This week has been a difficult one after reinjuring my arm after falling on black ice, having to get an MRI on my breast for potential breast cancer, preparing for my best friend to go back to California after an amazing and very needed supportive time with her, being rejected from the doctoral programs I had hoped to be accepted to along with other things. However, I never expected to have to face the pain of being re-traumatized by a blogger than has made it a point to ruin my life for what my ex- husband did. To be honest, I can only imagine this man has so much hatred for my ex that he will lash out at anyone. Knowing what my ex did to me, I suppose I can see his pain but really wish I was not a target of his. Recently he decided to reach out to an organization I do volunteer work for. With my ex in prison, I figured he would finally leave me alone. After all, I don’t even know this man but apparently this is not the case. This man is choosing to continue to make my life difficult.
Well, I am guilty of falling for a man that had a very scary past. His past brought in another man that seems pretty angry with my ex. So angry that he decided to write about me. So angry that he ruined my name and reputation. My ex was so ruthless that he lied to me about a lot of financial things which led to me being sued by the government for which I could not defend myself against. They get to take my tax refunds and garnish a percentage of wages for basically the rest of my life. The man I married, turned out to be a diagnosed sociopath (didn’t know this until much later- like three kids later) who is narcissistic and would ruin everything I had built for myself. Now, I know that most people reading this are going to say, “How did you not know?” or “You should have gotten out when you saw the signs, girl”. It isn’t so easy though. Anyone that has been the victim of psychological (aka emotional or mental) abuse knows that it is not so easy to pick up and go. A victim is twisted into a very tight web, one that is very difficult to escape and when one tries to escape there are threats, guilt, and even shame. I never expected that to happen to me. That happens to “them” and would NEVER happen to me, right?
I know this post sounds like a lot of whining. Perhaps it is but in my effort to rebuild my life after abuse, realizing that it is mostly those with financial resources that get to gain the justice they deserve. Those without the money tend to suffer the most having to take what life gives them while being bullied by their past decisions. I want to create a platform for women to find support, talk, whine…whatever but know they are not alone. I have been accused of things and I have feared proving my innocence due to lack of financial resources. If the internet is going to allow peoples lives to be ruined, why can’t we use it to help? Enough is enough.